this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
