Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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