Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
