tell your sister to shave her snatch
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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