that's an acceptable place to lick
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
