Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just want nice things and good sex
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
