Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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