i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
