just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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