We got so high we made milksteak
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
BRING THE BAGELS
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
