he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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