I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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