theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
