my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
