So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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