quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
