I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
