Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
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