I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i was born a porn star she said
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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