I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the day after is always just damage control
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
