then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
