He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You may now shotgun with the bride
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
