i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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