i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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