i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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