best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Is it because I queefed?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
