I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
