Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
