just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
