Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
