I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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