I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
