i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
