I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
