Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
