we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
