Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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