Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
In America we eat man semen.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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