I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
