Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
