p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
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I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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