i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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