tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
