alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
