If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
