Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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