i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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