for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
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my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
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You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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