Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
A bitchslap is in order.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
