Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
