I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
