So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
