You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
