just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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