The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
