Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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