I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize