there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
