end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
