My liver just broke up with me...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
