they need to just BURY HIM!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
