Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
