please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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