Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
