we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
