if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
